The first time around, I was excited to have a child, scared, but excited. I had this kind of blissful attitude about it. I felt as though I was getting closer to nature, the genius of my body was showing me how to build a baby and I really didn't have to do much, but stay healthy and eat well. I thought this was just amazing. At times I felt completely out of control and a little mournful that my once tight 6 pack abs were turning into a bloated belly, but soon realized that it kind of came with the territory. People say your body changes forever, but I really was convinced mine wouldn't, at least not for good. (Not sure how I came up with this belief). I had an easy pregnancy so I assumed that not only would Olivia be delivered in a matter of minutes, but she would need little care once she was born. She might cry here and there, nurse a bit, but generally disrupt my life very little, you know, kind of like in the movies. People have babies and they just kind of entertain themselves from a very young age. I'd be so excited to get back to yoga, working out, actually jumping up and down, and selling houses. I couldn't wait to "return" to my old life.
Who knew my life would be changed in such a way that and I really wouldn't "want" it to go back to the way it was.
Now, let's review thoughts and feelings this pregnancy: "I'm actually pregnant. Wow, better enjoy not having a belly for as long as I can. Oh wait, it's here already?! What?! Guess I better enjoy not being huge for as long as I can. How's Olivia going to react to having a sibling? How's Olivia going to react to a brother? I'm going to be so tired, I'd better practice my deep breathing now so I don't explode at everyone. I don't want to turn into a bad Mom, so we need help. I know I'll need lots of help. I know we can't do it alone. I'm so excited to have a boy this time. I can't wait to see what will be different, how he'll react to things, what his personality will be like. I hope he's a mini Pete. I hope he doesn't pee all over me when I change his diaper. How do I clean that thing anyways? Guess I better google it."
Funny how things change!
