Don't hand me your baby!! - Well... ok...

"What do you think you're doing handing me your baby?  I don't want that thing, it might cry or poop on me or something.  No, it's so cute and so sweet, but you can keep it.  Yeah, it's so nice, but no thanks I don't want to hold it.  I think it wants to be with you right now."


For a really long time, I didn't want to have kids.  They never really sounded good to me.  Maybe it was because I did a ton of babysitting when I was younger and found them to be so so difficult.  They were so much work, they didn't listen, their poops stunk, they cried A LOT.... No, I did not want to have children.


As time passed, these sentiments didn't really change, at least not for a while.  My reasons for not having children grew, and included things like not wanting to overpopulate the planet and still thinking they were just a lot of work, or at least more work than I thought I could handle.  I had so much more I wanted to accomplish... or at least that's what I told myself over and over.


Well, shockingly, over time, things change.  You meet someone, "the one"... and all of a sudden, you're thinking marriage, you're thinking kids, that word "stability"... it's crazy.  It's like someone's hijacked that part of the brain that didn't want kids, removed the "no" section and replaced it with a bright glowing "yes".  For me, it was a switch, for others I know they've been dreaming since they were babies that they wanted to have babies... And they wanted like 10 of them, now that, I just can't understand. I'm sure I played with baby dolls, but I really can't remember holding them and feeding them, pretending they were mine... no, I was always pretending to be a teacher or a banker... those in my mind were much better professions.


Then, I got pregnant, well, you know, about 25 years after I was playing teacher and banker.   I AGAIN experienced some kind of mind control from some far off alien planet.  It's like I was part of the Borg, part of this system and I had no control, I was half robot.  I was having thoughts that definitely weren't originating from the same place that those anti-child thoughts were coming from. My poor body was going through so much and I just kept thinking about how wonderful this little being was going to be and how I was going to love it with every ounce of myself.  Oh, I just couldn't wait to meet this little crying baby that didn't listen and drew on the walls and was generally crazy and unruly.  Oh wait, that part about crying, crazy and unruly somehow never crossed my mind during that time and never again to tell you the truth. Weird.


What can I say, now that Olivia's here and I've lived almost 2 years with her, I can barely even imagine what life was like before this.  


Often I wonder how I made such a huge switch in my thinking around having kids.  Some might argue that it's God's plan.  Others might suggest that it just takes the right man.  And someone else might think it's only natural, humans are meant to reproduce.  Even now you'll find me holding other peoples' babies, even asking to hold them...something I never thought I'd do.  I even wonder how I ever could have thought that other professions were "better".  And yes, I just called parenting a profession, because to me, it is, a very serious one, one I'm proud to be and can no longer imagine myself not being.  


I thank God, the universe, nature, the alien planet and my husband for changing the switch in me, because it was definitely for the better.

Yoga, a tool for better parenting. What's your "yoga"?

I've noticed that every time I'm consistent with my yoga, I'm a better mother. I'm more engaged, more empathetic and more energized about parenting.  I've also noticed that when my thoughts are all disjointed and random and it's been a while since I've taken a yoga class, I become more reactive and I have less patience.  Little things start to bug me and  I find myself reaching for my cell phone for distraction, or lacking in imagination when I'm attempting to work something out or come up with something for Olivia.  In all honesty, I'm just not as happy with my parenting.


For me, yoga is almost a magic pill.  It gives me time to do something that is solely for me.  It's very easy being a parent to completely neglect yourself.  Everyone around me benefits in the end, but during that class, I'm breathing, stretching, holding, releasing, and just feeding myself.  I walk out feeling grounded, centered, and at peace.  I find that my decisions with Olivia come from a healthy and loving place, not overly analyzed or overly emotional, but a place of freedom and positivity.  I want to do so many things with her, I want to "show her the world"!!!!


There are times when I have this strange resistance to doing yoga.  As I write about it now, I find it odd I'd even consider NOT doing it.  Maybe it's the saboteur in me, maybe I forget how good this "life cleanse" is.  But to have something I can run to to set me back on the right track is really invaluable.  I always seem to realize something new about myself, about Olivia and just life generally.  I get out of my own way for a while and it always seems like something new is revealed to me and I can feel more forward momentum in my life.


I do understand that yoga isn't for everyone.  So, what is your "yoga", what is it that "cleans your slate", pushes your reset button...surfing, dancing, gardening... it could be almost anything.  I'm not talking going to Vegas either, you know, the authentic things that bring you back to yourself.  


All I can say is I feel blessed to have found something that helps me to see things more clearly, especially as they relate to being a mother.  I know I'll never be a "perfect" parent, but if I can use those tools that help me to be the best parent possible, then I've done something right. :)