About 3 years ago, I forgot about all of the things I had claimed to be passionate about, dance, yoga, baking, cooking, imagining, creating, observing the world around me. My daughter Olivia had arrived, and she was my world now.
I directed everything I had to my daughter. And I mean this in an incredibly literal way.
The only reason I took care of myself on any level was so I could provide for her. I ate, slept, breathed, Olivia. She gave me purpose.
To be honest, it felt (and still feels) good to have her as my focus. I wasn't searching for a reason to get up in the morning, she was lying right beside me. So much of my life had been uncertain, "Was the path I chose the right one?", "Should I really be doing this?", "Does this feel right?". My thoughts and feelings about Olivia didn't even need consideration, the heart, the gut told me, "yes".
3 years later, I'm still madly in love with my daughter, but recently, "I" have started returning to the picture. Me. Dancer. Yogi. Baker. Dreamer.
And "I" have returned with more fervor, passion and focus than I have ever had. I don't say this lightly. Focus has always been a challenge for me, I can blame it on being Gemini, but I've always had a hard time being grounded and settled in my decisions to do one thing or another.
Now I see time as a privilege. I want to squeeze every bit of worth out of each free moment I have. I see my challenges in dance, and want to work to remediate them, enjoy dance again and strengthen what has become weak, loosen what has become tight, and preserve my body. Yoga leads me back to myself and cleanses me in a different way from dance. Olivia can help me in the kitchen, and even baking boxed cupcakes with her has an uncanny excitement. I might be returning to the same activities I did before I had Olivia, but now they take on such a different meaning with her influence.
When it is time for our second child, I'm guessing I'll take another sabbatical from me, but this time, I'm hoping it won't be for quite so long. :)
I realize I know so little of you and what I've been privy too is really quite endearing, but I understand your frequency & longing .. I will be following up on the journey !!
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