Every so often, I have the chance to have complete silence in the household, even though everyone is home. Right now is one of those times, and I really don't know what to do with it. I've browsed facebook, googled myself, googled my husband, my daughter and my cat... Then I realized, why not do something kind of productive with my time, rather than just wasting it.
So, here I am, sharing my thoughts again. What can I say, this parenting adventure is more amazing than I had ever imagined. I must say, my daughter's genius shows itself again and again. She is so clear headed and free, and I often reminisce as far back as I can remember, searching for a time when I felt that liberated. I can remember times when I would run around the backyard and jump in the pool without even a second thought. I can remember nothing really mattered except being totally in the moment. And I guess that's what my daughter does. She is completely in the moment, not worrying about what's going to happen next or holding onto the upsettedness she felt 5 minutes before when she didn't get the popsicle she wanted. She has taught me to be totally present. I find at times this can be exhausting and I literally have to do my mind numbing facebook or take some time out to watch tv so I can just recoup. She, on the other hand, never seems to need this.
I know there is this "circle of life" and from what I've experienced, having kids and a family are definitely essential in this "circle". My daughter has brought me to where she is starting and is reteaching me the lessons I have forgotten. As a child I always felt in a rush to grow older, but not mature too fast. And now that I've discovered somehow I have grown older, and I am now that adult, that my childhood seemed to have gone so quickly. I am looking forward to reliving my childhood through and with my daughter. I consider it a blessing and a privilege to be given the opportunity to do this. And if I can have another son or daughter and have the opportunity to relive it even an additional time, I will consider myself one of the richest in the world.
Beautiful! Fortunately for me, parenting is teaching me a great deal too. The lessons I'm learning are good, although the road has been very difficult. When Everett was only a few months old and I was having a difficult time, I received advice from somebody I respected and admired: "Why did you have a baby? Did you think it'd make you a better person? It doesn't." I'm glad to now be able to say that I disagree with her and instead, feel sorry for her. (Hmm, that was a nice realization for me. I may post that on FB!)
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